By Neeraj Bhushan
I studied at a military school, Sainik School to be precise, where I had an option to watch at least three movies a week – one on the screen in the auditorium, one on Doordarshan and one on the video player. And then I would watch lots of movies during my vacations, at my native place. And why not when all cinema halls (about a dozen of them) were so close to my house!
During one such break in 1983, I had seen ‘Andha Kanoon’ – starring Amitabh Bachchan, Hema Malini and Rajnikanth, and I vividly remember my excitement when, on return to the barracks, a teacher had asked if anyone had seen the movie during the holidays.
“Yes Sir,” I had raised my hand brilliantly, without realising the trick Mr. Sudhir, the Physics teacher, had in mind.
“Good. Then tell us who is the ‘hero’ in the film!”
“Amitabh Bachchan,” I had given the answer in a flash.
“No$$$$$. It is Rajnikanth fool,” Mr. Sudhir had retorted. And I stood corrected.
I had realised my mistake. But then, I had also realised, then and there, that Amitabh Bachchan was no longer the only ‘hero’ in the Indian film industry. Rajnikanth had made an impressive entry. The realisation got reinforced when my brother Pankaj, then posted at the Bangalore Air Force Station, wrote to me detailing how great an icon Rajnikanth was, down in the South.
I was impressed by the new ‘hero’. I am impressed still.
And can I thank my friends – Suresh and Rajan – enough for gifting me the DVD of Rajnikanth’s 2007 release “Sivaji – the Boss”- the most expensive Indian film at the time of its release! It was superstar’s 100th Tamil film for which he got Rs.20 crores.
I am given to understand that the world watched the movie for the one and only Rajnikanth’s performance and style.
And ever since internet is flooded with CV and one-liners of the most influential and bankable movie star.
Here it goes:
Rajnikanth makes onions cry.
Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
Rajnikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.
Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.
When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajanikanth.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
The last digit of pi is Rajnikanth. He is the end of all things.
Rajnikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Rajnikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
If you spell Rajnikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajnikanth? ” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Rajnikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
Rajnikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
YES, IN HIS KINGDOM HE’S GOD.
But why do sometimes I feel like Rajnikanth? And when it so happens, I like to hear –
… and may you then feel like reading some LESS about HIM …
- When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
- Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.
- Rajnikanth counted to infinity – twice.
- When Rajnikanth does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Rajnikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
- Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Rajnikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
- There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikanth has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Rajnikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
- Rajnikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
- The new Indian rupee symbol is actually Rajnikanth’s signature.
- Rajnikanth’s e-mail id is email@example.com.
- Rajnikanth’s jokes sell out faster than his tickets.
Yes, you may grow more imaginative. Who doesn’t know that Rajinikanth jokes (or are they facts?) draw inspiration from the actor’s larger than life persona on and off screen. Some of them may be ridiculous but even then they are witty. And, HOLD ON please. My name is Neeraj. Try saying it again and again, like Neeraj Neeraj Neeraj Neeraj in continuation….. What do you hear? Oh, why did I reveal it – I should have left it as Victoria’s secret. Gosh! I wish Rajni does not notice this… else you know… “Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.”