It’s Never Enough…


Gitanjali Kaul

There you lay … quietly… at peace.

The sheet, fresh & clean… Just the way you always liked it to be … devoid of any fold or crease.

You  always reminded me of the Princess in the ‘Princess & the Pea fairy tale’. Just as sensitive, just as royal!

I kept looking at you all night through… and thought, “… this is not Mamma… this is just a carrier, a cover, a ‘khol’… a guise. You are free, free from all that bound you, bogged you down – free from all that kept you from doing what you loved.

And then… they took you away in a procession … and I couldn’t help thinking … how can anyone remove the essence of a person from a place ? … from memories? …from peoples’ hearts?

They CAN’T!

All they did was take away your mode of ‘surface transport’ in this world …now you are free to FLY!

Today, again, someone reminded me that you weren’t there… that they were sorry and offered condolences on my loss… I just smiled and thanked them.

All they did was take away your mode of surface transport in this world … now you are free to fly!

Today, again, someone reminded me that you weren’t there, that they’re sorry

I couldn’t tell them that they’re wrong… that you are still there … with me … even more now!

In a state where no medical ailment can ever trouble you again – forever healthy, forever free and bound only by love!

 After all, how can you not be there? I hear your favourite songs on the radio… all your favourite movies are being aired on TV… I can hear you chuckling at all your favourite punch lines!

I can picture you at home – as you open the door & let me in … you hug me tight!

In the kitchen you show me your latest purchase off the TV shopping channel while I am perched on the counter – updating you with the latest gossip!

Now I feel I didn’t hug you enough, didn’t chat enough, didn’t hold your hand enough … everything we did was so ‘not enough’. But I know, that everytime I remember each incident, I relive it – I hope you feel it too Mamma…

Death leaves a heartache nothing can heal …             

  Love leaves a memory nothing can steal …


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