Stories of Abuses & Friendships

Cartoon by Iqbal Sachdeva
Cartoon by Iqbal Sachdeva

We hear so many stories about incest, molestation, rape and such sexual abuses daily. In many cases the people responsible are strangers, but in majority the abuser is someone we know.

Well the question is – when you are abused by someone you know, in that situation, what do you do?

I pondered over it a lot after hearing a story of a woman being approached many times by her friend’s husband. This is a tricky situation as your friendship is at stake. This time he kissed her forcefully and as expected all she could do was show some resistance but say nothing much.

I know she must have been scared …if she raises her voice. who would believe her? What would people say? Will they believe her and also, what will happen to all her relationships? Thinking of all this, she preferred to remain quiet and let the abuse go on, which one day just might become dangerous and grow out of proportion.

Women face these kinds of situations everywhere, be it home or work or even while commuting. The maximum they do is to shrug away and show some displeasure. Many a time a women is mistaken for being a flirt in case she is over friendly. I know the same happens to men also and they have a tough time too.

So where does the answer lie!

How does one stop this abuse and how does one deal with it? In such cases if you shun the person and ignore, you are made guilty of misbehaviour and you can’t bring yourself to the point of telling everyone that this is happening! Be it your best friend or your spouse, no one will take it nicely and all you will get is a blame, which will be spelled as, “You only must have done something.”

The first is to free yourself from all the guilt. To begin with, you have not done anything wrong. When one is able to do that then the answers start pouring in, the path is clear and the burden lightened. The person abusing is mostly a pervert and you are just a victim.

Stop feeling sorry and stand up for your dignity. Many a mishaps can be avoided if you deal with it with a confidence that says, “Do not mess with me.” Free yourself and live life your way.

Free MindLove and sex are the two most beautiful elements of human kind and are the ones which are mostly misused too. It is sad that such a beautiful emotion is wasted and forced down the throat of many who go through such situations.

Love yourself and do not let others make you feel unloved in any way. You are special and have a right to a dignified life.

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. vivek says:

    Definitely … but it is in tough circumstances that one has to be tough. If it was any less then it would not have been a topic of discussion here..

    1. G says:

      Yes!

  2. The 1st abuse, if it comes, is always (damn sure) by someone you know (from among family, relatives, neighbourhood or friends). The culprit should never be allowed to walk away unscathed, especially when he/she sits on the assumption that the target is (innocent and) safe.

    1. G says:

      True Neeraj … but it is the most difficult thing when it happens… one doesn’t understand how to react and whom to talk to…

      1. vivek says:

        Gee I find your response hard to accept. Married girls should have so much confidence in their spouses as to be able to discuss it and unmarried girls should have a similar equation with their mother.
        If in a given situation the above is not true then your advice is correct. Why are you shying away from it. I quote you here …

        ” … The first is to free yourself from all the guilt. To begin with, you have not done anything wrong. When one is able to do that then the answers start pouring in, the path is clear and the burden lightened. The person abusing is mostly a pervert and you are just a victim.

        Stop feeling sorry and stand up for your dignity. Many a mishaps can be avoided if you deal with it with a confidence that says, “Do not mess with me.” Free yourself and live life your way…..”

        That is how it should be. and as Neeraj above has said, it is a must that “…… The culprit should never be allowed to walk away unscathed, especially when he/she sits on the assumption that the target is (innocent and) safe.at “…..

        1. G says:

          You see it not about confidence and trust … many times one does not say anything as you want to save your relationship or someone else’s… and in that case you feel maybe it shall stop or end there. T times it does and others it may not. If the friend is informed that her husband is misbehaving with the other friend… who believes the woman. The wife will always stand up for the husband and leave her friend rather than trusting n believing the truth. It’s a bizarre world. A lot happens … And mostly the woman feels guilty or is made feel guilty. So I said what I did!

          Thanks for all your comments. Appreciated.

          1. vivek says:

            agree with what you say Gee on the reactions to the girl’s taking stand. But that is precisely the point, because it will go un-punished hence the risk of repetition is higher given the male psyche that he can do the mischief and get away too. So don’t you think the consequences of protesting are far smaller than the consequences of not. This is what has to be ingrained in the women,

          2. G says:

            It is easier said than done Sir.

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