All our motherhood period we look for ‘Me Time’ and time out for ourselves, not knowing that one day when it hits, there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Well, here I’m with a lot of ‘Me Time’ and guess what I don’t want it now! My eldest turned 17 and is raring to go out to do all that adults do and become an independent ‘Man’. But the question is – Am I ready to let go?
Oh, my heart sinks. And my brain hammers me with so many questions. How will I live without seeing him every day? How will he cope without me? Who will look after him? Who, What, How, When! Yes, all of them.
I have had an independent kid since the past few years. Maybe since the age of 15, he has been independent enough. He is a big help all day around and does all my chores, sometimes with ease, at will, and at time also cribs the hell out.
But when I hug him and he pulls me close to his chest, I am filled with great amount of pride when I say to myself – Yeah, he is my son.
In a year’s time, he will fly away for higher studies and then job and then marriage and that’s the end of it. He will never come back and stay with me like he does now. Well, it is good for him true, but tough for me.
I’m speaking to other mothers now who have kids studying out of their homes and living in other cities. It must be very difficult to come home to a house without your kiddo there. Oh boy, I do tremble on the thought but I know I do need to let him go.
He does go out for night outs and long drives at night. You know all that teenage kids do for fun! He will steal a smoke here and there and maybe an occasional drink too. Well, I had to allow him all… whether I approve it or not.
The main reason being my husband, who believes that if you stop him from doing what he wants he will do it anyways. Being a good father, he says, “I’m there for my son to bail him out in any case, so let him be free.”
At times this is the main reason for conflict between me and my man. I do agree with what he says but you see, the boy is young and reckless and what would he know. We need to guide him and slow him down.
But it does not work that way. You have to let go. I have learned that you need to believe in your own teachings and principles that you have taught your kids all these years. They will be good, safe, healthy and happy too. Just let them be, hold them close but not too tight, leave them but not too loose.
Most importantly, have faith in them, they will never fail you. You need to believe in them as you have believed in yourself. They do break rules and they should too as that’s where all the fun is but they should also know where to draw the line.
You do need to let go but how much and at what age that you need to figure out yourselves.
Having said all this and prepared myself nicely I still can’t sleep at night till he is home in his room (even though he carries his own keys and says a 100 times, Mom you sleep). It’s not the fear of what will happen but what I could not stop from happening.
This is the most difficult part of letting go. You don’t want your kid doing the mistakes you did when your parents let you go. Knowing the limits and lines drawn, still mistakes and accidents did happen and they do not take much time to happen but remain forever and ever.
Even at 45, my mother calls me every now and then to tell me how and what should I be doing. Did she ever let me go? Well, not a day has gone by when my Dad-Mom don’t have me in their prayers and in their hearts, they still hold me nice and strong.
And not a day which goes by when I don’t tell my younger one, “Please don’t grow up and leave me like your elder brother. Stay with me darling, always!”