When my husband & I answered questions on love

My friend Harshika Daryanani wanted to do a story on couples who’re in very different phases of marriage. For this she desired that Ashish and I tell her our definition of Love, so that she could study and share if love changes with time, or if distance makes any difference in the lives of couples? Here’s how we – Ashish and I replied to her questionnaire:

My Answers

  1. How did you guys meet? What was the first thing that struck you?

Ans:  We met through our parents. It is an arranged marriage. The first thing that struck me was that his mother i.e now my Mum-in-Law was just like an angel. She was so full of dignity, grace and love… got me thinking if the mom is so good, the kid would be so too. And yes he did not prove me wrong. The same dignity, grace and love I feel even now after 20 years of my marriage.

  1. What does the term “Love” mean to you?

Continue reading When my husband & I answered questions on love


Has anyone ever told you to put your book down?

Born a free bird I never had the craving or desire to work or do something big. Just wanted to enjoy life, love and be loved. Slowly life took over and I happily transformed from a little girl to a loving wife and then mother of two. Everything was good and I led a dreamy life any girl would kill for 35 years.

The only constant was my diary, which I have been writing, scribbling, drawing, pasting since my school times. Now this is not serious writing, just rambles of the heart.

Continue reading Has anyone ever told you to put your book down?

Doctor-Patient: Who Is To Be Blamed?

doctor and patient on white background. Isolated 3D image

The relationship of the doctor and patient is the most delicate and yet the most trust worthy. But they do have to go by the rule book. A few things need to be followed during the term of their relationship.

Informed Consent: The patient has a right to be informed of what is going to be done, why it needs to be done, anticipated complications, possible alternatives and consequences of delaying/refusing treatment. Some of the consent is implied, e.g. raising a shirt up for an abdominal examination or holding out a hand for a needle prick. Some consents, e.g. for internal examination, surgery etc. have to be specific and clear. The ground situation is that most patients prefer to let the doctor take the decision for them.

There are a number of patients who rightly attempt to locate information (internet etc.) and understand their disease. However their opinions may be tarnished by personal anecdotes and experiences of their friends, blogs or comments by untrained people on the internet etc. In the Indian scenario, patients are usually afraid to question their doctors.

On the other side, most doctors are over-worked and do not seem to find the time to settle all the queries raised by the patient. They also deal with a different set of relatives every now and then who need information about the patient. Technically doctors are required to discuss the medical condition only with the patient and their legal next of kin.

Prognosis and end of life issues: Often, unfortunately, doctors and their patients have to deal with end of life issues. This requires sensitive handling by the treating team as the patients and their relatives go through phases of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Bad news is received poorly and most doctors receive little or no training in discussing end of life issues.

Further, relatives do need someone (rather than something) to blame for the death of their near and dear ones. The most likely candidate is a member of the treating team specially when associated with a perceived or actual mishap just before death. This is part of coping.

Further, in India, there is a tendency for relatives to urge the treating team to continue aggressive (rather than supportive) treatment till the very end. It is a noble thought and finally the relatives have to deal with the loss in the long term. Yet it is the patient who may be suffering despite the treating team explaining the consequences. This is not to be confused with euthanasia which deals with ending life support in hopeless situations.

free-vector-doctors-vector_005527_5Complications in medical care: Complications are unfortunate outcomes of medical intervention. These are not unknown or unexpected. All descriptions of medical or surgical treatment do list a series of complications that may occur.

The doctors are trained in reducing, recognizing and managing complications. Yet the smallest medical intervention may result in death of a patient. If the entire list of possible complications is explained to every patient, probably no one will undergo surgery. And if every doctor is punished for complications, no one would ever become a doctor. Hence, the international yardstick of reasonableness.

Briefly it means that did the doctor possess reasonable skill or take reasonable decisions in the care of the patient. Hence, would another doctor with reasonable similar training and in a similar situation done the same thing? This is why complications remain a tenuous subject of doctor patient relationship.

Patients have a right to expect reasonable care hence, they should ask their doctor about possible complications. The treating team has a duty to explain possible complications beforehand and to keep the patient or NOK informed about complications that have occurred.

What can patients do:

  • Jot down questions to be asked.
  • Take a close relative (preferably the same person) for every interaction with the doctor or paramedic.
  • Ask lots of questions. There is no need to be afraid of the doctor. However do schedule an appointment for taking the doctor’s time.
  • Take active part in decision making
  • Understand that medical care is all about reasonableness. Anyone who offers a guarantee of any kind of cure is best avoided.
  • Be open to discussing end of life issues

How to say what to say: This is not a medical topic. It pertains to the service industry at large. Medical care is a service purchased by the patient. Patients have every right to be treated in a courteous and honourable manner by everyone in the hospital.

Problems arise when doctors and their subordinates speak to patients in a manner that is perceived by the patient as condescending, brusque or dismissive. 

Combined, it makes for a person who needs and deserves more compassion and care than a customer ordering a meal in a restaurant. Hence medical and paramedical students are now being trained in soft skills and dealing with difficult situations.

Take Care. 

Movie Time – India Box Office

Jai Gangajal, Zubaan, London Has Fallen, Zootopia, 45 Years and 13 Hours released today on the India Box-Office. A mix of drama, action, love and thrills for the coming weekend.

A sweet love story, an action packed thriller, a mysterious murder which leads to conspiracy, a musical journey and a fight against the political and legal system … the weekend is loaded with drama and action. The Box-Office releases this week:

45-years-tom-courtenay-rampling-haigh45 Years:

Rightly said… ‘the choices you make in your youth are most important’ and that goes with you for a long time.  Geoff and Kate are to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary and it is then when Geoff’s old flame Katya’s dead body is discovered in a melting glacier. Geoff goes to see the body and this triggers off many emotions and memories. Kate feels pangs of betrayal and so this surge of emotions make a big seat in their happy marriage.

Directed by Andrew Haigh, the movie is based on a short story by David Constantine, ‘In Another Country’ and has Tom Courtenay and Charlotte Rampling in the lead roles.

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi:

A team of elite ex-military operators are employed to protect the American diplomatic area in Benghazi, Libya after the terrorist attacks in 2012.

Directed by Micheal Bay, the film is based on the book ’13 Hours’ by Mitchell Zuckoff and stars James Badge Dale, John Kransinski and Alexia Barlier.

maxresdefaultLondon Has Fallen:

Directed by Babak Najafi, the film is a sequel to 2013 film Olympus Has Fallen and stars Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Charlotte Riley and Angela Bassett.

When all the leaders of the world get together for any event, the most important and foremost itinerary is their security. At the mysterious death of the British Prime Minister, all the leaders are exposed to a fully planned security threat and the only person who can save them is the American President and his security chief. Will they succeed to break through this threat to death for all or no?


An animated wonder which takes you through the urban jungle as they call it, tells us the story of bunny rabbit, an officer in the Police force who is never taken seriously. She sets out to solve the case of a missing Otter. Will she be able to prove her worth?

Co-directed by Byron Howard, Rich Moore and Jared Bush, the film stars Jeniffer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Shakira and Idris Alba.


A musical drama which takes us down the lane of self discovery and love. A boy who gives up on life and all faith rediscovers himself through music. Directed by Mozez Singh, the film stars Vicky Kaushal, Sarah Jane Dias and Raghav Chanana.

priyanka_chopra_in_jai_gangaajal-t3_1451716153_725x725Jai Gangajal:

Prakash Jha brings us the sequel of Gangajal (2003), with Prinyanka Chopra in lead role along with Rahul Bhatt and Manav Kaul. Along with direction he also plays a role in the film. The fight against the system of justice and law and order is nothing new in India. Corruption and debauchery are a constant part of the system and nine out of ten people are involved in this system. The innocent and honest are the ones who pay for all these crimes. Will we ever see any improvement in this ever is yet to be seen?

That’s all for this weekend folks. Till next week … its ciao!