Be it Laila, Majnu, Meera, Radha, Draupadi, Rama, Krishna, Shahjahan, Mumtaz, Jahangir or Nurjehan … They all loved and loved till they breathed their last. They broke all traditions and norms of the society to love and be loved. Such strong history in love is what India boasts off. But as we progressed, the definition of love changed over the years; so did the definition of marriage. So… Is having an affair outside the marriage a crime!!! I even put this to many. [Is having an affair a poor judgement? (Part-1)] Here’s how they responded:
Ayub Khan, actor and TV personality, with two kids and a happy marriage:
“It is just a filthy excuse to fight inadequacy, insensitivity, short comings, complacency, immaturity and boredom in one’s relationship. It stems from many reasons. It could be an egotistical attitude, self preservation, self indulgence or then even purely from insensitivity. Societal norms are set to better the instincts of animalistic behaviour, so as to attain a better consciousness. But being human we can’t help but fall prey to this behaviour from time to time. How acceptable it is, is something only a person can answer who either accepts it partially, totally or rejects it completely. And life is not always beautiful, its tough, painful and extremely challenging at most times.”
Parikshit, 40, has a happy marriage and is a strong man, introvert yet expressive:
“The whole concept of extra marital affairs is based on love. Love is what a person feels in his or her mind. This is different from the object which evokes that love. It is this state of mind that is important, not so much the object. Actually, in love two very different aspects of human consciousness – body consciousness and soul consciousness – come together and hence the confusion.”
Neeraj Bhushan, journalist, happily married for 21 years:
“Yes, extramarital affair is a lifestyle that is lived by all humans in different ways and there is nothing big about it. Marriage is an institution, and so is any relationship that is not just a time-pass. A rendezvous with opposite sex should be seen as a perfectly healthy sign for a marriage too. I don’t know why people knife-chase those who are looking? Why not give space to those who want to feel liberated in a guilt-free manner. A husband or a wife has full right to explore his or her emotional and physical adventures that are as pure as a vigorous conjugal life. Such ties act as a catalyst to a great marriage and are totally different from one-night stands or lust.”
Deepika, 36, an outgoing housewife with two kids and a happy marriage of 14:
“Love, sex and emotions are basics for any marriage. If one ingredient is not in adequate amount, the equation of marriage gets disturbed. Then the affected person tries to fill that void outside the equation. This is called extramarital affair… We need to understand that every affair is not only about sex. What could be right becomes wrong when the nature of person is disloyal. Then this is called infidelity. If at all there is a person in your life with whom you fulfil your that one missing element, then this could be a beautiful relation… But surviving this situation is tough. Believe me life is more blissful if you get true love twice in one life at the same time and still you can carry that.”
Manjit Pahuja, young beautiful entrepreneur, having two kids, runs a newspaper:
“Life does not promise a bed of roses every time, but some weak moments just make you surrender yourself emotionally or physically outside your marriage. It does not lead to anything good. Our society refuses to accept that a man and woman can be friends…a sister walking on the road with her brother is stared by people who don’t know them…the new generation is different but the society is full of people with polluted minds…seeing two people having light chit chat is also a gossip material for some..It is upto a woman and a man…how they present themselves in a society..it’s the body language and the mannerisms that speaks for anyone.”
Ashish Kaul, actor, happily married for 15 years and two kids:
“Once Meera, the queen, loved Krishna, the God. She continued to love him even after her marriage. The king thought it to be an affair which he was jealous about. Another tale goes back to mythological days in the great plains of India. King Rama fought for his queen Sita, but he still presumed she was involved in an affair. Here the question arises – who is judging who? As in first case, Meera was in a trans and she had full faith in what she believed, surely it was the love for God Krishna. But faith cannot be questioned here. What needs to be questioned is how she got trapped in this love for the unknown. Were her parents at fault or the faith itself? As for the second case, it was a pure sequence of jealousy. Being the king he should have retired from the throne, in my opinion if he truly believed in his love. Yes … many love affairs take place after marriage every day. Some stay, some go away. Love is the most beautiful thing created by nature. It is so pure that no human can pollute it. To judge someone else’s love, one needs to love someone first. Hence do not judge love. As a Hindi song goes… let love remain just love….do not give it a name.”
Ahem Ahem Ahem. As I went asking people and taking their views as to what they would do in case they fall for someone outside their marriage… to my surprise many backed out with “no comments” … many jumped to the idea and grabbed the moment and poured their heart out… many were in love but did not want to go public…!
It is strange. People do love but refuse to open up strongly and even ridicule others who indulge in such acts. It is still a taboo even in this modern world where live-in relationships and same sex marriages are legal now – But humans still cant accept extra-marital affairs.